just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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