this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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