Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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