Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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