I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
