im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
