if you like me you must not know who I am
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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