Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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