i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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