I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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