you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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