She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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