The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
