i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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