i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he thought i was a dude.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
