i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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