we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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