Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
