its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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