She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
