Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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