Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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