I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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