my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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