i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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