I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
