I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
