I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you didnt know i had herpes?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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