I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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