Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
As shirtless as possible
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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