Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you still have your period?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
