I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
