if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
