I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
