just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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