I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
