I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
