running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
