sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
