I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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