i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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