I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and she was petting her beer can
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
