redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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