Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize