im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
