My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
