So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
