I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
