Ambien. No doubt about it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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