So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How's work?
Spinning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
