I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
