THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
