Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
