I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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