i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Im part way to drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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