Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
