very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
worst night to have a conscience
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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