APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
