just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize