remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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