He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
