so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
