3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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