but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
